As Christmas looms over my head, I feel more and more anxious. I can’t help but worry about not being able to buy gifts. I know that my family says that they don’t want anything but that’s a lie; I know it is. I get my first measly paycheck on the 27th which is good but not as useful as I need it to be. My cousins father was given a month and is in hospice, so I am weary that this is going to blow up in my face at any moment.
I’ve been slacking off on eating right, but I’m giving myself a pass until the 1st. It’s not like I’m on a diet, but I just eat healthy as a life style choice. I’m not going insane with the food I’m eating (ok, maybe I am with the candy), but that’s so far down on the list of stressors that I’m try my best to ignore it. I don’t want to be anxious about my food and flare my ED. I already struggled with that for a bit this month so I want to leave it be.
But I do have a happy note! I’ve been going to my new gym and having fun. They don’t have a good class selection yet so I’ve been swimming twice, and I even tried the treadmill. I did 30 mins of laps yesterday. Then, I went out for a run. I was going to run at my favorite hilly spot since I thought that it would have been salted and cleared. It was not. It was icy, snowy, slushy, and wet. This slowed me down, so I only did a slow ten miler, but it was the best run I’ve had in a while. There was not many people, and I love to run in solitude. I didn’t feel a need to go fast, because it was icy. I didn’t feel like I had to go for a certain distance, because I had already swam in the morning. Today, I sit in the vaguely sore after glow, and I feel good. I’m sore everywhere, but it’s been a while and that makes me happy. This is the first time I’ve run in this kind of weather, and it went so much better than I imagined it could. I’m Jolly Saint J.