Well, while my workouts have been fruitless, I have been working diligently on this front. There has been progress, praise the interwebs!
First, netsenshi asked me a great question (I couldn’t link his page, but I tried. Broken?). Why am I unwilling to use a friend for making babies? That’s actually an easy question. Most of my friends are not in a place of maturity where I would feel comfortable with using them for this. Not that they’re immature, but it takes a different kind of person to be able to step back after the birth. I don’t want a co-parent (or co-parent couple) involved. I have friends that would do it but down the line I doubt they’d could. It took a year of contemplating to feel ready on my end.
Why not adopt? Great question that no body has asked, lol. The answer is that I will adopt someday, but I want another child of my flesh first. I’ve actually gone through the adoption class, and was a heartbeat away from selecting a child before I got married the second time. This is still in my agenda, but later. More importantly, I will adopt a teenager. Ever since I was little (8yrs old my mum says), I’ve wanted to adopt a teenager. Teenagers are the ones in the system that need the love the most and are not very likely to get it. I’m talking 16-18 years old. I will do this at least once in my life, but maybe more if it’s as great an experience for both the child and I as I imagine.
So what progress have I made? I’ve looked into Artificial and Natural Insemination. Outcome? It’s f’in expensive! Wow. I knew it was high, but the prices have doubled since I’ve last looked into it. So, I am going to go ahead with AI, but in the green fashion, I’m doing it DIY.
DIY, WTF? There are places on the web where people do donations outside of the banks. Many people, like me, loathe the green machine and believe that money shouldn’t prevent you from getting pregnant. So, I’ve set myself up on one of these sites. This has been what I’ve been up to the last two weeks. The response? Frickin’ overwhelming. Seriously overwhelming. I had a line of donors in no time flat. So I weeded through and settled on one that had his stuff together. We’ll be signing contracts by the end of the month.
Now, I hear you thinking this is a bad idea. It’s better than picking up a face at the club. I know this guy’s history, medical and life. We’ll have contracts (that mean crap in my state, but would look better than nothing). We’ll be providing STD tests. He’s financially stable (not that I’m taking money or support). His wife just died of cancer and he wants to help people who can’t have kids alone, because his wife couldn’t. We’ve discussed contact after and custody. We might use artificial or natural insemination (sex), but, hey, why not have some fun. We’ll discuss attachment if I go the NI route. Guys, so easily attached and emotional, lol.
The only thing I’ve kept from him is that I’m technically married. I feel bad about it, but, in my mind, W is my ex-husband. I just can’t find him to make it legal. What can I do? Hopefully, I’ll track the bastard down; it’s baggage I don’t need or want. I’m pretty sure this is going to stay in my pocket, even if some of you don’t agree.
The only thing I don’t have is a support system. It took 17 months to get pregnant with my son. It’s an awful rollercoaster. It’s so exciting and disappointing. It’s so very difficult that I don’t want to burden anyone else with it. I know this ride and everyone wants off until you get to the end. My family thinks I should just get a face, but I wouldn’t feel right not telling the father. Then, they might go for custody. They say do it and don’t tell, but A: it’s RI; they’ll know (the little state is LITTLE) and B:if I don’t have my morals, what do I have?
So, come April (fertility and his vacation nixed March) I’ll be on the ride. No drinking, no smoking, no hot tub, but here we go. Wheeeeeee!!!!!