Out of Steam

Sorry I haven’t posted in a bit. I had an awful set of runs last month and I’m finding it have to find the steam to keep pushing. The lack of weightloss after the baby and lack of exercise have also been aggrevating my eating disorder, so I have been in a circle of convincing myself to eat then getting so disgusted that I say “F* it” and gorge. Gorging, of course, only makes me more anxious and upset with myself. Then I have to convince myself to eat again.

The runs, well… it was almost litteral. Last run I had, I suddenly had to go. I even went to hide in a bush in desperation, but could not find a place where no one would see. Got through the mile to the restrooms with a duck walk as I figured out how to pick my son up from school when I shit my pants (I was pretty convinced). Fortunately, I made it to the bathroom… and it was closed. I ended up with the baby on my knee in a port-a-potty (which I had to wait for). It was the most terrible run; it was tramatic.

The run before that? I ran a little over a mile out before the baby began to wail. I carried her almost a mile.

I have, however, tried to set up a few exercise meet-ups in a local group, so maybe that will pan out.

Wish me luck.


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